


kadoc tries to cook

by MSAF



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Fluff, M/M, also beryl makes fun of him a lot, i cant believe this is gonna be the first fic in this tag im SWEATING, kadoc being his usual emo tsundere self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23430148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MSAF/pseuds/MSAF
Summary: In which Kadoc Zemlupus tries to cook a nice sandwich with soup on the side for his dormmate, but fails miserably in every aspect.
Relationships: Fujimaru Ritsuka/Kadoc Zemlupus
Comments: 15
Kudos: 88





	kadoc tries to cook

**Author's Note:**

> so essentially, what happened is that I saw a meme about kadoanya, gudanya and gudakadoc which resulted in me making a cute fic about kadoc being his confused emo self. I haven't actually finished LB1 yet but partridgeonapeartree told me this is good so!!!!!!! im ready to show this art to the world

Kadoc Zemlupus has never been one to cook.

In fact, Kadoc can probably count on his hands the number of times that he’s actually attempted to cook something in the past, with mediocre results. Even Beryl could whip up something better, and Beryl was more like a brainless beast in a human body than anything else. Or at least, that’s what he thought, anyways.

Even so, it’s not very like Kadoc to give up so easily. Which is the only reason why he’s wearing a stupid pink apron, pushing burning bits of spam on the pan, and simultaneously watching his afternoon lunch plans crumble into sad pieces of scrambled egg and spam. Well, the issue isn’t really with whether or not it tastes good, because he really doesn’t care about how something tastes. As long as its edible, he’ll shovel it down his throat.

It’s just that he’s living in this dorm with Ritsuka, you see.

So he has to be a good dormmate and whip up a good meal every now and then.

… It’s not like he wants to _impress_ Ritsuka or anything stupid like that.

Yeah, totally.

But whatever it is, whatever reason that Kadoc is cooking— It doesn’t really matter, because he tried to crack an egg into his sad, minced pile of spam so that he could theoretically make a cute fried egg that had spam bits inside it, but now he’s accidentally turned it into scramble eggs, so his (supposedly) healthy sandwich looked messy and ugly. The bread, too, was burnt. Not to a complete crisp, but, he can already hear the loud crunch accompanying the bite later on.

He lets out a loud sigh and sets his large plastic spoon (which, in actuality, was a rice scooper, and was definitely not meant for frying) onto the pan. Then he walks away to put the slowly decomposing spam back into the fridge, along with some other ingredients. Loud rock music is playing, and, if Ritsuka were here, he would probably mistakenly identify it as “one of your MCR songs”. No. Kadoc doesn’t listen to My Chemical Romance. He has better taste than that.

Still, life has gotten weird and uncomfortable.

Things had gone haywire about 2 years ago.

The Security Organisation, Chaldea, is a company that specialises in things like private investigation, protection services, and info gathering. Essentially, as Kadoc would like to put it, it’s the one place where lots of married freaks come to cry about their partner cheating, or whatever. Of course, he enjoys his work here— Even if the things that come to them are ridiculous, it doesn’t mean that he won’t do it. He worked hard to earn his position as a member of the specialised team, so he’s gonna make damn sure that he solves every case he was given.

Well, until 2 years ago anyways. There was a big case given to his team—Team A, uncreative as the name is— that would lead to Chaldeas making a big breakthrough in the industry if they had gotten it right. Infinite fame and appreciation was in sight for them, or at least for Kadoc. Finally, he could get some proper recognition for his years of tiresome, hard work!

… And then, as it sadly turned out, Team A’s plane to France had literally crash landed onto some deserted island, and they had to wait a few months before some goddamn rescue came.

Did any of them die? No.

Did they bond? Maybe.

But would Kadoc go back to drinking _fucking_ coconut water everyday?

No.

Fuck coconuts. He _hates_ that shit.

… Anyways, they ended up sending some newbie loser called Fujimaru Ritsuka to do their case instead, and now Ritsuka has a higher rank than Kadoc. And more fame. He’s absolutely _pissed_ about it.

But what makes this ordeal even worse is that Kadoc has to share his dorm with Fujimaru _fucking_ Ritsuka, because the dormitory doesn’t have any other empty rooms, and Kadoc was the only person who had an extra, empty bed. Kirschtaria called it _, “An excellent learning opportunity for you.”_ Beryl, more appropriately, said that whichever god is up above, they must hate Kadoc. Which must be absolutely true, because he’s starting to think that Ritsuka’s presence is having a negative effect on his health—His heart rate seems to speed up tremendously, his hands seem to shake, and now he’s doing weird things like trying to cook a meal for the two of them.

He hates Ritsuka.

… Yeah, he _definitely_ hates Ritsuka.

He slams the fridge door shut, then walks back to his pan, only to see the plastic rice scooper literally melting in the pan.

… God _fucking_ dammit.

.

.

.

“Kadoc, I’m back! You said you wanted to talk about something? Ritsuka peeks into their dorm. There’s no sign of Kadoc in the living room—But he hears something edgy-ish, like a MCR song, blasting from the kitchen, along with frantic steps. Was Kadoc… cooking? Ritsuka didn’t know that Kadoc could cook!

“What’s shakin’, bacon? Cooking up a storm in the kitchen, huh?” Ritsuka pops into the kitchen with a friendly smile, only to see Kadoc frantically trying to scrap melted plastic off a pan, with a plate of burnt sandwiches and a bowl of soup beside him. “Oh… Uh… Am I interrupting, or…”

“No.” Kadoc huffed angrily as he scrapped a plastic part out. Ritsuka can literally see the rice scooper’s tip melted into some weird shape. They’re gonna have to get actual cooking utensils if Kadoc’s going to continue his kitchen experiments. “Want lunch?”

“Haha, is it even edible?”

“Fuck you.”

“Sorry, sorry! I’m sure it tastes good. Presentation isn’t everything, right? … By the way, you look cute in the pink apron. I just had to say.” Ritsuka walks towards Kadoc and watches him from behind in amusement. “It kind of reminds me of house husbands…”

“What, you think _I_ want to be _your_ house husband?”

“… Well, I think,” Ritsuka wraps his arms around Kadoc, watching as he paused in his frantic scraping efforts. “A house husband with cute, messy hair who listens to MCR is the perfect house husband for me.”

“I— I don’t _listen_ to that _shit_! Shut up!”

“Hahaha! Okay, okay, I’ll shut up. Want some help with that pan, though?”

“… Yeah, sure.”

.

.

.

“So, to summarise,” Beryl gives one of his famous, shit-eating grins that Kadoc absolutely despises. “You’re in _love_.”

“Wha— Is that what you got from this!? No! I’m not in _love_ with him!”

“Then it’s a crush.”

“ _No_!”

“Settle down, young Kadoc,” Pepe smiles warmly—Yes, this smile, Kadoc preferred over Beryl’s stupid face— as he poured a cup of tea. “Love comes in mysterious forms. For instance, the Doctor found his love in his colleague, Miss Da Vinci. You’ve seen them together, haven’t you? I’m sure it must be the same.”

“Yeah, well,” Kadoc angrily sips on some of the tea before mumbling. “Ritsuka is an asshole. The Doctor isn’t.”

“Really? I think he’s just boring.” Beryl then patted (smacked) Kadoc on the back with too much force—Kadoc swears he’s going to kill him one day. “Fit for you, though! You two sound like you’re already bangin’, anyways. Go get him, kiddo! Kirschtaria’s gonna be proud.”

“I swear to _god_ —"

Kadoc doesn’t know what the hell these two clowns are thinking, but he’s definitely not going to give up his search for an answer to the question of: “How does Kadoc Zemlupus feel about Fujimaru Ritsuka?”


End file.
